Today I got my wedding band. It is a very nice piece that I am very excited to be wearing. But the really amazing part of the experience was talking to the person I bought it from. This just happened, so I'm essentially dumping the contents of my memory in no particular order.
It was a used ring. So naturally it had a story along with it.
As we were talking about the ring technicals, I internally wanted to ask if he had any advice to give. But before I could, he said that he had some unsolicited advice to give. So naturally I sat back to listen.
His name was Mike. He'd been married for 7-8 years. He was 40'ish and looked similar to George Clooney--same hair, similar dress, etc. I couldn't tell you if he was happy. He definitely had the look of experience about him.
"A women is like downed power line--she's full of energy. It sparks and lashes out. It can light a whole city or it can destroy you."
He said that a women's intuition is amazing. Ask them how they know something, and they won't know how, but they just know. To counter this, I brought up that my fiance has a habit of going the wrong direction while driving. "If she says right, I go left and we get there on time." Mike suggested, "go right; find out we went the wrong way and turn around. Don't rub it in her face that she was wrong. If you were wrong she'd rub it in your face. She realizes that she went the wrong way. She's not dumb. But if you rub it in she won't forget that you did that to her."
His son had cancer at 1.5 years old. It was hard on him and his wife. Until then they were relatively blissful. Once the chemo started they hardly talked. They grew apart. I could tell it was difficult for him at that point: the baby, the marriage. He said he wished he and his wife had used the opportunity to come closer together, not grow apart.
There were moments in his life that he felt exuberant with joy. "Having a child, being in love--these things cannot be described. It's like trying to ." He was thankful for the bad times: the cancer, the martial discord, because it showed how great his good times were.
"EXPECT the sh&% to hit the fan. There's no such thing as a happily-ever-after."
"In marriage two flesh really do become one. When you're married it's like you're almost the same person. She's your best friend... But now that we're apart, I feel like half of me is missing. Not to say that you should be co-dependent. By all means, continue to grow your interests. But you two are walking side-by-side, you're her support."
"I came into marriage with skewed expectations. I wanted her to listen to my concerns and say, 'it'll be alright.' But when we talked about my work, she worried about it. She would try to give me advice. Most women have a fear of ending up in the poorhouse. They worry about it alot. ~So instead of listening to me as a friend, she would try to involve herself in the business. That didn't work out well."
One of the first things he said, "In an argument, when you're REALLY mad and you just want to leave, the VERY first thing you should do is remember why you fell in love with her. Do that, step aside to calm down for a moment, and you'll have a successful marriage."
I'm sure there was more. But I'm hungry right now :). He said I could call him anytime to talk. He gave me a substantial monetary wedding present. I was taken back.
